I grew up in a strict Christian home, I had knowledge of the Bible and I knew what it meant to be a Christian. I practised religion according to what my parents had dictated and never really searched for a relationship with Christ. Many times in my past, I had tried to repent. I would hear the Word, take it to heart and “give my life to Christ”. I’m sure those who used to read the “Left Behind” series can relate. After each book I would bawl and pray to God to forgive my sins. For three days or so, I would be a ‘changed girl’. However, it never lasted and before I knew it, I was back to the meaningless life I had come to know. I continued this trend of ‘repenting’ for most of my teenage years.
However, when I finally left my parents’ house and gained the freedom to somewhat dictate what I did with my life, I found out that there was something missing. All my teenage years, I had waited impatiently for the time I would be able to buy what I wanted, party as hard as I wanted and just ‘live MY life’. When all these things I was dying for were all laid before me, I found myself wanting something more. I figured that there had to be more to life than this. Sure, it seemed fun at some point, but at the end of the day, there was just this emptiness I felt in my gut. It was then I went back, once again, searching for God.
I remember that service, I wept during praise and worship. I knew I had found what was missing in my life. It was soothing, sweet and satisfying and I wanted more of it. It was then I started on my path to actually seeking a relationship with Christ.
I have now come to understand what it means to GIVE your life to Christ. When we give our lives to Christ, there have to be some changes in our lives. I have also found out what had been hindering my spiritual breakthrough all those years. There is no way we can be of the world and of Christ. There is no accommodation for both! It has got to be one or the other! To progress in our faith, we need the Holy Spirit to dwell within us. If we still hold worldly things or things of the devil dear to our hearts, the Holy Spirit cannot dwell there. Light cannot and will not dwell together with darkness!
In doing that, I have had to let go of many things that I thought was harmless fun, things like listening to a lot of secular music, clubbing, messing around with boys etc. All I can tell you is it that it was not easy. But now I have come to see that those things are actually very harmful. Many of the things that we think are nothing but harmless fun will slowly dull our souls and break all barriers till we are back on the path of being lost.
It is still a daily struggle; nobody said it would be easy. I still fall from time to time, but we have a God of limitless grace and love. The world is a cruel place, people will disappoint, trends are ever changing but God and his Word will never change. He is the only thing we can count on. He is the only thing I will hold on to.
