I was a good girl. I did the right things, got the right grades and made friends, for the most part, with the right people. My life was pretty good. And then came those years when your mind tricks you into believing you're old enough to run your life. The rebellion kicked in slowly. It started with minor grievances with my parents -most of which I did not really voice out because if I did, I might have been rude. Now that would have been bad, you see, I was a good girl. Then it escalated to angry words and hot tears burning with anger over something they did or did not do- like not letting me wear the clothes I wanted. The anger continued to grow and would often invite loneliness and sadness. Together, they would have a feast on my insides, leaving me hollow and empty. Still, I was a good girl. I was able to whip out my dimples on many occasions, masking the sadness within. I pulled off the facade really nicely but one person was not deceived - my mum.
I was a good girl; everyone but my mum knew that. She saw right through me, like a good mother would. She tried to talk but I shut her off emotionally. She was the one with the wrong perspective and the restrictive views about who she wanted me to be. Though I was adamant, she refused to let me go. How could she? Her daughter was a very good girl going to a very real hell. Luckily, this good girl's mother was a praying woman. With tears in my eyes, I can imagine my mum on her knees, crying to God to save her daughter. I can imagine her going to weep before God, every time we had a hurtful conversation. I knew I was hurting her but I was not sorry. Why should I have been? I was a good girl.
Good but empty, I depended on compliments and people's opinions about me to keep me happy. I sought companionship and was happy when I found it. I loved my friends a lot (I still do). I may not have known it, but I was looking for love - not the "butterfly-in-your-tummy" kind that ends but the deep, long-lasting one that never fails. Yet, in my quest for love, I turned away from the only One who could ever love me the way I needed - God. But this good girl had a praying mother. For a long time, I was satisfied with mediocre love - the kind that fades with time. I was like Prophet Hosea's prostitute-wife (Hosea 1-3), running away from my True Love.
On the 15th of July, 2008, this good girl finally went for the real thing. That night, on the floor in my room, I allowed the Lover of my soul, Jesus, to love me. I accepted His love and asked Him to come into my heart. He did!
Today, this good girl isn't just good anymore. She's righteous by reason of Jesus' blood! Goodness without Christ won't get you anywhere. Allow him to love you today. Accept Jesus into your heart. Ask Him to cleanse you with His blood and make you free and whole. Don't wait till you feel you are lovable - that day will never come! Accept His grace today. He loves you just as you are. He loves you so much!
This righteous girl is Christian because she has found True Love in her Savior, Jesus!
I leave you with this verse from the song, How He Love Us by Kim Walker
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane,
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me
