It came down, missing my head by an inch or so. I looked up at the place the ceiling board once was. What was happening? Then it started.
I am jealous for you
What?! The wind began to hit the walls of my house. So strong were they that the floor beneath me seemed to shift. I grabbed the sofa behind me. What was this? The strong wind hit the house again and I lost my grip.
I am jealous for you
There it was again. What was that about? The wind hit again and I found myself bending over on the floor, trying to make sense of what was happening. Then I heard it again. Who was that? This definitely was not the time for pranks. My house was falling apart and someone was obviously having fun.
Another ceiling board fell, then another. I screamed. I had heard about winds like this. I think they were called… Something startled me. I screamed as a hole in the wall formed. I looked through the hole and saw nothing.
I am jealous for you
What was this about? Who was jealous for me? What did I have that the person wanted? Why should anyone be jealous of me? I had nothing! Then again I had heard “jealous for” and not “ jealous of”. I stopped to analyze – I was good at that – but the wind hit again and this time, I felt the foundation of the house shake – really shake.
My love is a…
Hurricane, I completed. Yes, that’s what people called these things – hurricanes. Why hadn’t anyone told me anything? No one had called for an evacuation. Who was in charge of emergency evacuations? Irresponsibility! I could taste the gall in my mouth. I despised irresponsibility. Now, I was going to die because of irresponsibility that was not mine. The sound of the roof coming off stopped my thoughts in their tracks. I ran to my bedroom. I should get out of the house. I grabbed my bag and stuffed a few things into it. I thought of the house – my house. I was almost done with the payments. Now, the house would be gone in a few hours. I ran to the door and surprisingly, it opened easily.
My love is a hurricane.
This was getting rather disturbing. I looked at my house when I got out. It was a mess! I looked at the houses around me. They too looked like they had survived strong winds but then, they had always looked that way. The houses were old and had clearly had more than their fair share of use. Apart from the usual broken windowpanes and holes in the walls, blocked crudely from the inside, they looked normal. I looked back at my house. I had always taken pride in my house because it looked so beautiful beside those old houses. Now, it looked worse than they did. This was either a sick joke or a bad dream. I fumbled in my bag for my car keys as I ran towards my car. I got in and started the engine, wishing it would pick up faster than it was. That’s what you get for asking your neighbor to fix your car instead of getting it professionally serviced. I tried again and this time it picked up. I drove off as fast as I could, wanting nothing more than to be out of that place or to wake from this dream. I was sweating and the car felt stuffy. So I let some air in the car.
My love is a hurricane
The car windows went back up. I would rather suffer near-suffocation than hear that voice in the wind. What? I caught myself. Now there was a voice in the wind?! I had lost my voice and my sanity in the same hour! Wow, lovely day!
After some miles of driving, I stopped to get some gas for my car and some water for my throat. As I walked out of the shop at the gas station towards my car, I saw it - felt it. I started to run but not towards my car. I just ran.
My love is a hurricane
I felt my hair go up and felt the wind on my bare arms. I thought this was over. I ran as hard as I could, looking for a refuge of some sort. The only thing I saw was an old-looking shack, a few meters away. I ran towards it, feeling the wind getting stronger behind me. I got in and latched the door. How was this shack to protect me from this wind that had driven me out of my house? I lurched over to the other side as the wind hit the shack. This was it! I began to cry. I had dreams – big dreams. This was not how I was meant to die. There were still things I had not done.
I am jealous for you
My love is a hurricane
The words came like they were from within the shack – loud and clear. Who are you?!
Jesus
What do you want with me?
I love you
Then why did you destroy my house? Why are you following me around? I have nothing you want - trust me!
And the wind began to talk; the voice in the wind spoke. It told me about my house; that the beauty and order on the outside only concealed the disorder on the inside. How did Jesus know this? Not only was my house not doing well on the inside, its foundation was weak. I had suspected something was wrong and had called someone in to check it. The person confirmed my suspicion and offered to fix it. He did fix it but the fix lasted only a short while. After him, others came, promising to fix my house, fixing it - but never a lasting fix. There were a lot of things I did that I should not have done. For the most part, my house’s weakness was both own doing and my undoing. A deep sense of regret washed over me.
I am jealous for you
It stopped my thoughts again. What did He mean? He told me that he loved me – had always loved me, would always love me. He said that he had built my house and His heart bled every time I called someone else in to fix it. He knew the house more than anyone- even more than I did. As He spoke with such love, I became ashamed. I had wrecked this house so loved by Jesus- wrecked it maybe beyond repair.
My love is a hurricane
How could love be like a hurricane? How? When it comes, He explained, you are not expecting it. You can’t adequately prepare for it because you don’t really understand it. But when it comes, you know it - you feel it - because you are in it.
I began to weep. I really did not deserve this love. I had wrecked my house myself – I had wrecked myself beyond repair. I had done things no one should ever do, wrecking myself as a result.
Shhhhh
I felt the wind hush me. I love you, I heard. I made you and I know how to build you again. I can make you new. That’s why my love is a hurricane. It rips out those substandard roofs and rusty bolts; those things you used to patch the holes up. It takes out those things that you think hold your life together but really only weaken you. It exposes you, so you can feel and know, really know, that I love you! My love overwhelms you and shows you that I’m the only one that can make you new; that I’m the only one that can truly hold you together. You only have to let me.
For a long time, I heard nothing. I still heard the wind, but the voice was silent.
Let me…
Jesus was asking me for permission? I thought of my house - the broken floorboards and windowpanes. I thought of me – of all my flaws, all my brokenness. Yes! I wanted to be new; I wanted to be whole. But was He the One?
Only I can…
So I said yes! I asked Jesus to come into my heart- to fix my house. As soon as I did, I wanted nothing more than to get out of the shack – the restrictions. I felt for the latch on the door and opened the door gently. I looked out and then, the first wave hit me. I fell to my knees and broke out in tears! Then the second wave hit and I found myself on my face. Ah! the bliss! I got up and walked away from the shack, farther and farther away into the wind. I felt newness and life course through my body, through my heart. As wave after wave hit me, I felt even lighter until I felt like my feet were no longer on the ground – I was floating! Every other sound faded except that of the voice in the wind, except Jesus’ voice.
I love you
I have made you new
I love you
I always will
For a long time, I wanted to stay in the wind; to savor the love and peace I felt. And savor it I did!
I was back on my feet again, as I walked back to my car. On my way, I saw a tree bending under the wind. I smiled- that was me. So I sang,
He is jealous for me
He loves like a hurricane
I am a tree, bending beneath the weight
Of His wind and mercy
Jesus is jealous for me. He loves me too much to let anything harm me or take me away from Him. His love is a magnet that keeps me attached to Him.
I love Him because He first loved me.
