From Mary Kathryn McMurray

Dear Lord,
Sometimes my heart swells so much with love for You 
it closes my throat up with pain. 
I am not much as children go, I know. 
I am not like Mama or Aunt Martha.


Mama used to pray thank You prayers 
in the meadows and sing to You. 
She said there are earth psalms all around us singing praises to You and 
it is nice to join in. 
Since I am not much good at singing, 
I hope you will understand 
I am grateful for so many things.


Tears, a balm, soothing and cleansing. 
Cups, of plenty and sorrow. 
Cold to make me appreciate warmth. 
Manure, though I do not know if you will like me saying so. 
But Lord, when spread over turned ground where new seeds have been planted, 
it brings forth growth. 
Like my troubles in life, Lord.
 It was Affliction and Distress 
that made me come to You and now I do not ever want to leave.


I am thankful for the pieces of fabric 
the quilting club gave me - 
woven and designed like You wove 
and designed me in my mother's womb. 
Like you designed my children. 
I am grateful for our new fireplace 
that gives us warmth, light drawing each of us together.


Dust! The small particles 
dance on in the light. 
Would that I could dance like that for You 
in broad daylight instead of going off 
in the woods because the last time I did it 
my children thought I was out of my head.


I am glad for the candles so I can see to write. 
You are my lamp. Lord, lighting my way out of darkness. 
I am thankful for the gold nuggets Kavanaugh 
brought home yesterday, 
pure and soft the way my heart should be. 
Lord, make me so.


Thank You for the Good Water we have. 
It quenches my body's thirst and reminds me 
that You are the Living Water for my soul.


Even the Air I breathe, Jesus.
I cannot see it but it is there, 
moving and necessary to keep me alive. 
Like You. 
And the Flowers. 
I have never seen so many colors and kinds 
splashed across the hillsides. 
Even Gray Skies are a good thing from You 
because they make me yearn for sunlight. 
Seeds show me death and resurrection. 


I do not know if You approve 
of me saying this, Lord, but I am grateful for the way I feel 
when Kavanaugh knows me. 
Even with James I never felt this 
explosion of fire and light inside me 
like a rain of stars.


Is all this but a hint of what it 
will be like to be in full communion with You, Jesus? 
Do You show us the part so that we can yearn for the Whole? 
I remember Aunt Martha reading to me once that 
to look upon the face of God would bring death. 
Still, sometimes every bit of me yearns to be in 
Heaven with You all the while I still want to stay here 
and live to be an old dottering woman seeing 
her children and grandchildren around her. 
I do not understand all that is changing inside me.

-Mary Kathryn McMurray

in The Scarlet Thread